Tagged: Thought for the day
7th August 2018 at 11:42 am #371Chris OgleKeymaster
Over the weekend I was having an amazing conversation when it turned to attachment.
We all tend to get attached… whether it is to people or even things that we are reluctant to throw away… I’ve been sorting out both my flat and my mum’s house so this has been a real challenge over the past few months…
Attachment and love are often wrapped up together and it’s quite difficult to separate them… but the conversation I had does help…
We often get attached when someone gives us lots of compliments or tells us we’re amazing… when we feel someone appreciates us and gives us things we ordinarily aren’t receiving then it’s very good indeed… we can quickly get attached…
Really interesting though is to look at the person giving the praise? … don’t get me wrong it’s lovely to see the amazing qualities people have… and to share with them… after all many of us are so self deprecating these days the last thing we see is our own good qualities…
But… praising others needs caution too it would seem. What it can lead to is attachment and dependency… this is actually quite harmful as it has the potential to disempower the person being praised… who now needs the continuance of praise to have value…
A very interesting and thought provoking conversation…7th August 2018 at 12:51 pm #372Nikki PepperKeymaster
Without knowing the whole story… based on above, I don’t think I share your perspective about people getting dependent on praise… I think I accept more willingly about people being ‘hooked’ on how many ‘likes’ they have on social media… and the feeling of need for praise, acknowledgement and support online (although I don’t think it bothers me too much on how many ‘likes’ I get or not)
If someone was once getting praise and then it was withdrawn… they’d withdraw from the person would they not?
But then I’m only basing my thoughts on what is written above… and my own experiences in life 😀7th August 2018 at 3:03 pm #375Chris OgleKeymaster
It’s a good point Nikki… it is now well known that social media provides external validation and confirmation that we still have value (that’s why some are coming off these platforms as they can become highly addictive) … There was no specific case (or story) in my example merely a reflection on different situations and the exploration of how we engage and communicate with others in all walks of life.
If someone was getting praise (or not) like a small child, it might give rise to the child becoming more disruptive in order to gain attention. This definitely happened in our family. I’m just fascinated what motivated me to do some things… and when I look back, I can see there are some shadows… but I’m beginning to know myself much better… even if some of it is pretty difficult.
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