Thought for the day…

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Nicola Hainsworth 3 months, 2 weeks ago. This post has been viewed 146 times

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     Chris Ogle 

    I suspect most woman… and maybe men too will identify with this thought that I had this morning… 

    I was reflecting on the past 9 months or so on my much deeper and daily connection with my daughter… often times when our children become adults we experience their decision making which is tangential to what we would do… 

    In our desire to ‘help them’, to perhaps steer them away from harm, we offer our advice (requested or otherwise), about what they should be doing… how they ought to move forward or deal with a particular situation, based on our years of experience and superior knowledge. We are doing what any good and reasonable parent would do.

    Dismay follows when repeatedly they choose other options which subsequently prove that our advice / guidance had been justified. In order to thrust home and re-enforce our message there is often a ‘told you so’ moment… clearly this results in pride, ego, guilt and even shame coming to the fore.

    Perhaps I am only now beginning to understand the words I often use ‘Give without expecting return’ … do our best… support those around us… but we do not own the outcomes or the drama… yes we can observe it and we can share what we have observed without criticism, anger or jugdement. 

    The only way anyone grows is from making decisions, experiencing outcomes, taking responsibility for what happened and then plotting a new course based on what happened. As parents it is so tough to sit and watch whilst one we love takes a path we believe to not be in their best interests… but to interject is to remove their freedom, impinge on their life, deny them the ability to experience and learn… 

    And when (if) it goes wrong… to be able to pick them up… without judgement, without criticism… help tend to the wounds… and then support them to prepare for new adventures…

    It’s so easy to say… but such a mental challenge to do… I am grateful for this year… because through all of this I believe I have become a ‘better me’ and that pleases me… and the biggest lesson of all… to imbibe the true meaning of unconditional love. 


     Nicola Hainsworth 

    I can relate to this in part. But, recently, I was proved absolutely wrong about something with my eldest, and that was a valuable lesson to me that my guidance is imperfect. 

    It’s such a privilege to have children, and a privilege to be able to advise them. And celebrate their wins with as much energy as we advise with their mistakes. 

    Great thoughts, thanks for sharing!

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